Leaving the Past Behind

Many of us through unfortunate circumstances have been left with painful scars from events that haunt us throughout life. Though it may be difficult to let go and forgive (because we can never forget,) we must allow ourselves not to continue to victimize ourselves with guilt and shame.

Those through abuse, whether it be physical, or verbal, live with shame, guilt, anger, confusion, and fear. Counseling can go a long way in helping people over coming these feelings to lead healthy lives. Many people do not seek this help. In turn they have a hard time having relationships with the most important people in their lives… their partners and their children.

Children are most often the ones that suffer from the pain that is unresolved. Children don’t choose who their parents are, and they certainly don’t choose to be yet another victim of the cycle of abuse. Through our experiences, we learn to cope with situations, often in a negative way. P become the very thing they don’t want to, by being unable to deal with situations in a proper manner because they have learned to channel their emotions negatively.

Spouses or partners are often victimized because of a person’s inability to have intimacy through lack of trust and an inability to love. Many of these circumstances are derived from a fear deep within them, fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough. Being a at not being able to open themselves up to love.   also comes from a lack of self respect, as they place a certain amount of blame on themselves for the painful events in their past.

Nothing of value is easily attained.  In order to live a happier life and have better relationships one has to face their demons and come to a place of resolve with the events. Most victims aren’t to blame, but often blame themselves. This turns into anger and emotional isolation.  One may never forget those difficult moments, but you can forgive them. Before you say that’s easier said than done, one must remember we always have an opportunity to change our lives. We are in control. By accepting that they aren’t the cause of the injustice, and by forgiving the abuser, one begins a cleansing to emotional strength and well being.

The relationships we have in our lives are fully up to us to nurture. We have accountability to either stay in a negative situation or not. We have a choice as to trust, and love or not. All of those things we wish for ourselves, we must learn to give to others. Treat others as we wish to be treated. If we don’t love ourselves, it’s very difficult for us to be able to give love, which in turn continues the cycle of abuse and emotional isolation, we truly wish to rid ourselves from.

First forgive yourself. It wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself. You CAN love with the same innocence as a child if you choose. You can be a pillar of strength and support of your kids and partners if you choose. We all have a choice. YOU have a choice. Discover the wonder the world has to offer when you choose to forgive, and love yourself.